I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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