I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
