Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
