In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she smelled like a LAN party
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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