im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
