Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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