If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
