Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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