she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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