There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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