No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just forgot I was standing up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
