when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
