She went from zero to smokin in five shots
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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