Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
