i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize