She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
