good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
