Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
