Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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