I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
