I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
