Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
