thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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