I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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