I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He shit in the fireplace
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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