You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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