And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
