census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
