You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
