I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
