is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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