just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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