I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
