do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize