I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
