We won't sleep together?
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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