Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize