this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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