I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
