why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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