I want to have your abortion
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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