you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize