i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
