Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize