evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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