I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
