my sisters under your porch take her home
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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