who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
