just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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