Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
