she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize