after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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