Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
