what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
