There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Congratulations! We have a period
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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