i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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