things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
