Me too!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize