My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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