At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
