She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
