I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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