just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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