So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You took a bar mat shot.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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